I bowed my head in prayer way before I bowed my head in the shame off addiction.
I didn’t go to church much as a kid.
Just on what was deemed as a special occasion or when we were invited to attend with my dad’s friends that we called our God parents.
They talked to me about Jesus and they taught me how to pray.
I knew there was a God, I just didn’t know how he worked.
I didnt really start getting to know Jesus until about 5 years ago. I needed a new direction and a friend of mine told me about her church.
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That’s when I heard Jesus speak to me.
I started attending this small mountain church.
I asked the Lord what He wanted from me.
Clear as say I heard Him say, “Tell your story AND include me.”
At this time, I didn’t really know just how often the Lord was with me or how many times He saved me.
I just knew He didn’t answer prayers very often for me.
I take that back; He did answer me but just not the answer I wanted.
Which is why I am here now.
I would get so high and drunk I would beg him to just take me.
I would be having a scary night with my abused, and again He didn’t take me.
He didn’t answer those prayers because He had something better for me to do.
He wants me to use my extensive research on addiction to tell people how amazing their life can be at the end of a stuggle in life.
No matter the struggle.
He wants me to share that He will meet you where you are at when you are ready.
Thats what He did for me.
I share about Jesus by wearing Jesus’ shirts and sharing out bible verses to those who need one.
I pray in public and read my bible at the pool.
I have no shame because i believe that someone will see me and think that it’s a sign to know Jesus.
Or maybe they will talk to me.
I don’t preach I just talk.
I am not knowledgeable enough on the bible to stand in front of a crowd and share the word of Jesus.
But I am knowledgeable enough to stand in front of a crowd and share how Jesus saved my life.
It’s a pretty funny story.
And a great ice braker.
That leads into all the ways Jesus can help everyone.
I dont know where this road will lead and I wont pretend to know. I just follow what Jesus is telling me and go from there.
I know that when I talk about my addiction and all that went with it, I feel Jesus is speaking through me.
The more I talk about it and the more I share about Jesus the easier it will get and the more people I will reach.
I don’t know why I need to share the darkest part of my life.
I was in and out of jail for many years. I stayed in an abusive relationship because I got to drink.
I lost custody of my sons.
I broke my dad’s heart.
I did things for money no one with morals would ever do.
I slept behind a bar some nights.
I barely ate.
Did i say I broke my dad’s heart?
I turned out much worse than my mom, who I swore I would never be like.
I choose rehab over prison.
My probation officer told me I needed to either go to rehab or i was going to end up in prison.
So, I went to rehab.
My plan was to complete rehab, finally get off probation and go back to my abuser and drink. And I am sure die.
My eyes were opened up and a new life appeareed in front of me. I just had to get rid of the old habits so i could live it,
In the start of my sobriety here are a few things that helped me. I hope that they will also help you. Also, please know that there is help all around you, you just have to take the first step. i should say the firsy push.
If it takes many first pushes, its ok. One day it will take and you will see the light from the rock bottom you just hit.
